Love is never wasted.

When my sister browsed through the internet and saw promos on a trip. I was hesitant, for one I was unsure of how I would actually react to the fact of a chance meeting. It was 9months since I last saw him then I realize that we could meet or not, after all it’s a huge place but could I really not remember fragments of him? I knew he was born and raised there. I also knew he’s there, working. I just couldn’t fathom on how things would work out. He would just appear and disappear any time he wants. He felt like a plague. Could someone really move on when the subject of your heartache keeps inserting himself? I’ve distant myself from him.

Finally, my flight schedule came to fruition. I was boarding the plane. Touchdown. From all the confusion and misdirection, I’ve finally met him. I saw him waiting for me. I wanted to hug and cry at the same time. I had a bittersweet moment. I was upset at first because of the whole fiasco that I felt unsafe in uncharted territory. It was a first for me to actually feel scared of travelling alone at night in an unfamiliar place and I was expecting to see him when I arrive. It also made me cry but he travelled to fetch me and I was happy. I wanted to hug him so badly but I had to contain myself. Instead, he received small jabs from me.

I couldn’t believe I was actually walking towards him. Everything felt dreamy. A rush of emotions washed over me. A walk down memory lane ensue. I remember why and how I fell for such a man. My feelings was starting to awaken. I felt really really happy to see him. This was the man who made me fall in love again. This was the man who in a short period of time made me happy. He was the reason I started opening up and made myself vulnerable for a shot at love. This was the man who broke the walls I have build.

The moment I saw him, I knew I still love him. A part of me does. I may not be heels over in love but I love him. I also knew that no matter what happens my love for him will always be there, not as strong as it used to. I’ve grown attached even in distance but I also understood that we could never go back to those wonderful moments. It will never be the same. I’m also aware of the fact that he could never reciprocate my feelings for him.

I love him and that’s a reality I could never hide away from but I do believe that loving him will never be a mistake. Loving someone is never a mistake nor is it a wasted effort. No matter the outcome, love is never wasted. Others may say they wasted love on the wrong one but for me, love is never wasted. The timing may be mismatched or other unprecedented factors. Not ending up together is not a death sentence. It will always be a new beginning.

If you’d ask me if I ever regretted it? I did. There were times that I did regret that I fell for him but I’ll regret it even more if I didn’t open myself up and did everything I could. I have loved deeply and completely. I don’t want to live an unlived life. I don’t want to live a life full of “what if”. Those “what if” will haunt me. That’s why I love and love without regret.

Others are so afraid of giving love because of the uncertainty it entails. The actual situation is that people are more afraid of not being loved back. It is a risk that not everyone is willing to take. When you’re broken the world doesn’t stop for you. You have to remember that love makes the world go round. Love is taken and given freely. Love does not demand. It is felt. It should be felt! Love and love deeply. It is never wrong to love. It is never wasted. Despite the outcome, it exudes lessons for the heart. I have loved and was devastatingly broken. I eventually learn to put back the pieces and start over again. To love is the only thing I know how. Start loving. Keep loving. Love yourself and everything around you.

Memories of this will always be my favorite part of the trip. Our journey together was a roller coaster and ends with a beautiful story of us but it’s time to let go of my love for you and start anew. I’m ready to write my new chapter. Who will be in it? Will it be you?

To My Second Love, thank you.