It's been awhile. For days and months I've thought of writing up. My mind would usually have this light bulb over my head. Ideas that spontaneously erupt but unable to put into writing but today, today is different. I wanted to write something from the heart.
A few days from now, marks the event where I met My Second Love. You see love do not fade instantly and everyone of us has their own mechanism of coping. Some moved on, others keep hoping to the point of desperation and unfortunately for some insanity had escape them and worst the end of their precious life. I have realize that over the years love is a necessity that humans thrive for. It doesn't translate to romantic love but love in other forms. It has taught me a lot of things. At a younger age, I hunger for the feeling. I was in a hurry for Prince Charming to sweep me off my feet (Thank you Disney! It created my standards). In a way, I pour my heart out when I'm in love. I do not hesitate on matters of the heart. Yes, I was naive and stupid. Young as I was, I was given an excuse to do so! :p
Do you really understand the concept of love? People are so afraid to love because they're afraid of not being loved back. I was one of them. Even if I have feelings for someone, I hold back at first. When the assurance of my love returns, I love wholeheartedly.
Did you ever love someone who loves someone else? I bet you do. Did it hurt? Probably like hell but you survived and you're reading this right now. That's how my relationship was. I did all the right things with the wrong person. I have given myself to someone who I thought deserves it. He loves me and so do I. The question now is what happened? I fell in love and eventually got hurt. The reciprocation of love is no guarantee of happily ever after. I have fallen for a man whose in love with someone else. Every single day I've endured the pain. I hate U, I love U by Gnash immortalize my situation. Was it worth the fight? For a bit. Eventually, the pain was unbearable that I had to let go. It was slowly killing me. I've been constantly telling myself to stop. The start was a mess and it'll inevitably end in disaster if I don't. A day did came that I dropped everything and disappeared. No more talks about the days event, no more sweet good morning and good night, no more chats, SMS, video calls and posts. Life went back to normalcy. A little mundane lifestyle minus the misery and pain of losing one of the "almost" fairy tale. I woke up to reality, no more anticipated communications. That moment when you stare at that number and willed yourself not to communicate. You blocked him at everything thinking it would help you move on much quicker but then every move you make, every object you see, every time you reminisce him. How could you forget someone who gave you so much to remember? How do people manage to move on when he became a part of your everyday routine? Somehow I did. I did manage to forget him.
And there's more. Don't you just hate it when you manage to be doing well then he reappears and tries to enter your life again? He said all the right things and you were hoping for a chance of what might have been. Maybe it was God's plan. Is the second shot at love really worth it? My answer: I love him enough to let him go. Will I regret it? I did before. I don't hold hate in my heart. I'm at peace and happy. I could look at you and smile because I deserve to. I deserve to be in this state. I deserve this. :)
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