I am no one.

We started out as strangers. Funny how a single person could make a huge impact in your life over the course of time. We don't really know much about each other. I don't even know the basics of what you like, dislike or even allergic too. I'm clueless. It's a challenge to wait patiently for a clam to open up. To pry it open, means hurting yourself but no one really knows how beautiful the inside of a clam is. The harsh environment it lives in created and molded mesmerizing gems. He was like that. Patient, understanding and relaxed. Nothing was to be rushed. As we were taking advantage of our time, we had grown closer. We called endearments and did what couples do minus the label. We sometimes act like lovers. Our relationship has gone beyond friendship but a little less of romantic. Do we sound like "in a flirtationship". We had made each other exclusive but we're not really together. What are we? Where should I stand? As I ponder on that. It hit me. I am no one. 

We may all act like a couple in love but we are not official. We're tucked away from the rest of the people, creating a world of only you and I. My insanity trembles at times when I don't understand you. Contradictory of words made me confused. We would go for days and week without talking for no reason or because of petty things. I'm at a lost.
I don't like to be ignored deliberately but silence is what you wanted. I just sat here waiting for you to pop up and it fail most of the time. I get on your nerves and I'll stop. Waiting, waiting and waiting for you. I wanted to be valued. I wanted to feel that you need me too. I don't want to give up. I don't want to let go of something special. I don't want to lose that chance but if what I'm doing doesn't make you see me. What good am I then? Sure I sound desperate. I felt ghosted, and misled.

I don't want to reach the point of just stopping everything. Dropping all the load. The time will come when I reach my breaking point. I'll be seeing you less. Pop out in your social media less. Talking and doing sort of activities less. And one day, it'll stop. Maybe you wouldn't mind, not be bothered. Maybe you'll be happy that I finally got your message. Maybe by the time you realize it, I'm gone. No one will annoy you anymore. No one is gonna check on you. No one will tell you story or ask how your day went. No one to go on adventures with and take silly photos. No one to give little surprises. No one to have late night talks and messages. No one to look after you. No one to share anything. The insignificant things I did for you will vanish like thin air. Unrecognizable and unmemorable. I don't want you to wake up someday, realizing you're missing out on something. I don't want you looking for it. I don't want you to miss any bit of it because you have no right to all the things I did for you. You had your chance and made choices. I don't need you to search for that missing piece because I am no one.