An Open Letter: to the Man who will Love me Someday.

To the Man who will Love Me Someday
( An Open Letter )

Dear Future Lover,

I know it's unnecessary for me to do this but I felt that I'm more inclined to write. For a fact, I will never be your idea of perfection. I am flawed, scarred, and imperfect. My life experiences taught me well and imprinted scars for me to be reminded of my mistakes and missed opportunities. Is it possible for you to accept and embrace my imperfections? To actually see who I am beyond my flaws. It has become who I am. My personality can go berserk too at any moment. At times I'll abruptly stop talking to you, cry out of the blue, laugh at stupid jokes, and even smile because I remembered something centuries ago. You are not at fault in case you're wondering. My mood swings can go out off hand sometimes. Can you sit around and offer me a chocolate bar to appease me? You might be amused how chocolate work its magic on me because of those happy hormones rising. I have no complete control over circumstances and react to situations that may seem unpleasing to you and those are not acceptable excuses for the consequences of my actions. Despite that I do things in accordance to what I think is right. I might seem complicated to you but once you stick around and know my complexities, you will understand how I work around my life. What I ask of you my Love, is your time. Take time for you to dive deeper of who I am. Unprejudiced superficiality. If you are sincere enough to comprehend the “Me” I will let my guard down. My walls are my safety nets from hurt, it is self-love. I need you to be patient when I am too guarded but eventually I will open myself up. Not only am I going to do that but also be vulnerable. I believe it is only fair to do so, be in a compromising position and I am also obviously aware that it could hurt me but I'm willing to take the risk if you're willing enough to know me better. I'm allowing myself the possibility of pain at a genuine chance for you. Sometimes the biggest form of reward comes from the biggest risk we allow ourselves to take. And I do believe it is worth it if given the right opportunity. And are you willing to do the same? I cannot promise you a great life with me because there is no such thing as a perfect life. We all have highs and lows. But what I do promise is that I'll always be at your side. Every step of the way as long as you want me to. I may not fully comprehend it now, what were the circumstances that molded you but I too am willing to understand that with unprejudiced eyes. I am in no right to pass judgment to situations that happened before. To accept all those darkest secrets we both have deem to keep from others. I am all ears for you, but I cannot assure you of my silence because I will speak my mind when in necessity. Our similarities might bring us together, but I know our differences will make us stronger. I will openly learn and try the things you love most. And respect your alone time, night with the boys, and personal space. It is a part of you that I do not wish to alter due to the fact that in spite of having me, you too should have a world beyond ours. I cannot cage a Man who was born to be free and living. My clingy behaviours has its limits too but I promise that I'll always wait for your return. Your return to my arms. Things may not make sense now, but I will do my best to create a place you could really call home. And when inevitable difficult situations do arise, I will stand my ground with you. I will not stop trying to patch things up because giving up isn't something I am accustomed to. I will be your support, your confidant, someone who you could turn and cry to, be your crazy friend, and happy pill. I will become who I need to be for you. I know, I am no superhero but I want you to understand that I’m more than willing to save you and your happiness. I will save you from breaking with the best of my human capability. And when a time comes that you feel you cannot handle us anymore, my Love, I want you to think it over. Allow ourselves another chance. Let us sit down and talk things through because we need to make a mutual decision. I want us to grow together, not grow apart from each other and be happy. I understand it is a colossal request but the matters of the heart is something that is too precious to be disregarded. If one day you wake up unhappy, and empty with the urge to leave. Tell me honestly, because I too deserve to hear the truth from you. And when you finally decide to leave. Look me in the eyes and say it. Say my name too because I will know. I will know when to finally let you go, no matter how painful it is. I believe, it is better for you to leave than stay miserable with me. No doubt it will break my heart, it will break me but don't ever look back. Do not feel sorry for me that we didn't work out, do not think that we've wasted time because parts of it were true and real, do not hold back from leaving due to our happy memories, do not regret the times where we felt truly alive with each other, do not have a heavy heart of what you're leaving behind, do not think of all the what ifs and plans we are not able to fulfill, and most especially do not feel bad for loving me. I will admit, I will undeniably miss checking up on you, trying to fit each other's schedule, waking up to the smell of coffee or hot cocoa rafting the room, waking up with you by my side, the weekend trips, the night dinners, the movie dates at home, all those spoken I miss you, I can't wait to see you and I love you, and those unspoken cues when we read each other's mind. It will be devastating but sometimes trials lead us to the right one. We will become fragments of memories, some forgotten and some stays for a lifetime. I will eventually learn to live a life without you in it. I will learn to smile and love again. So my Love, leave with a heart looking forward to the future or stay with a heart that looks forward to fulfilling our dreams together.

P.S. More than five years overdue. I finally had the time to finish this. X)